The Dream

The Dream

A white car… I grabbed the wheel and it immediately started running. The road ahead was full of curves and was eerily quiet and empty. And then I realized I couldn’t drive. I couldn’t do it. I can’t. Those words rang in my head. And then all of a sudden, he showed up by side. And saved me from utter disaster, by taking everything out of my hands.


It’s very rare for a dream to speak so clearly to me. I woke up from this feeling very strange and uncanny. Almost drained.

Throughout the day I thought about this dream. What it meant. And how significant it is at this point in my life right now.

Two thoughts were born. Two attempts into dissecting the metaphor that had haunted my slumber.

The first: this is a realization of how much control I’ve given up in my life. That almost everything about me, going on around me…has a dependency on something or someone else. I’m here, right where I am right now because I want to be. And because I wanted to be here, I sacrificed everything else that I wanted to do. I gave up the wheel, thinking this was the solution. And in the end, I was left with nothing. Not even a result… as to whether I and the guy who saved me had actually survived the ride unscathed, or crashed inevitably into nothingness.

Was I even saved? Am I really saved? Or have I just lost myself in this journey?

And secondly: I want to be taken care of. I want someone to unburden me and tell me everything is going to be okay. I have been heavy with worries lately, and maybe seeing myself surrender the wheel to someone is a sign that I need to have more faith in the people around me… to have more faith in the higher powers above… to have more faith in myself.

Now you’re probably thinking I’m torn. A part of me wants to take the reigns and take control of my life. And I do. I want to gain a clearer perspective. I want to make choices that do not have complete dependencies on others’ choices. I want to do the choosing. And yet another part of me wants to be thought of, wants to feel concern from others… I want to be protected… and I want to experience a greater power than the human supremacy I can muster once in a while.

One and one does not add to two, you might say. But I actually think it makes perfect sense. Albeit a little tricky. Not a straight path. Most likely, an already-dented ride from the start. And I will have to alternate between taking the wheel back and yielding to being saved. Plus, I have to know when to do each at exactly the right time.

I guess at the end of this realization, I am aware of them things I need. Control, Affection, and Balance.

Because really, don’t we all need these?