The Confrontation

A friend and I have been discussing confrontations lately. How does one confront someone? Not just someone. But a friend. Who seems to be acting like he no longer wants to be around you.

My friend and I narrowed it down to two things. When there's an issue or a problem between people, we can either:

A) Succumb to confrontation. Let it all out and hopefully reach a resolution...a truce...or in some cases a final parting also known under the lovers' dictionary as closure.

B) Gulp it all down. If you can't imagine the idea of a face to face, heart to heart, no holds barred discussion, then take it all in. wrap it in something inconspicious and store it in the deepest crevices of your being.

Option A is advisable for aggressive people. As of date I think I may have confronted a number of people. Sometimes work requires me to. But I've always believed I am not a naturally confronting type of person.

Some few years back, I was this girl who always chose to keep things to myself. Even pain. Even excruciating, bothersome, psychotic pain.

I used to know someone who was the exact opposite of who I was back then. He was strong willed and aggressive. When he wanted to say something he would say it. There were a number of instances when he would confront me about something and I would cower under his steely gaze...like the time I had acted weird and avoided him because someone from our theatre group liked him and well, I liked him too and I got irked at the possibility that he liked her too; or the time when he got jealous of my best friends..."You don't need me, all you want is to be around them". And although back then I hardly realized it, now I know he saw the truth clearer than I had; Or the time he broke my heart. There I was in front of him. Shattered into pieces. And because it was a confrontation...his confrontation, he bluntly advised me it would be "better in the morning" (which to me translated as: pick up yourself, tape all your pieces back together, and move on).

It worked for him. Yeah I think it did. Being confrontational made things snappy and clean-cut.

I, on the other hand, could not be any different. I had one opportunity to confront him. And he didn’t show up. And although I could’ve called him or I could’ve gone to his house, banged on his door and forced my way in (an exaggeration, mind you), I chose to get up from where I sat and waited for him, went home, and never talked about what happened that day until, let me see, a few years after.

Looking back now, I realize I was the one limiting myself to that one opportunity. I could’ve had a million chances. I could’ve made myself a million more opportunities.

But then I can’t help but wonder… would that have been better? For me? For him? For everyone else who came after him and marked my life forever.

Can I actually say that Option A is much much better than Option B?

No... Not really.

Because although it took me years to finally resolve the issue, although it took me years of being quiet about my pain, of taking it all in… I learned a lot in the process. I gained a newer, better me after that period of quiet.

So…I told my friend who is now facing the dilemma of choosing between Option A and Option B, to choose wisely. Because in all of life’s crazy antics, resolving relationships, resolving friendships is the trickiest. You don’t really know if what you’re doing is right. But you have to believe in what you feel is right. You have to know that whether you go with confrontation or not…you’d still have to confront yourself.

And unfortunately...there’s no Option A or B for that.