Vintage Article #2

Headaches and Cola…
July 18th, 2006 by emzkwe

My days are filled with headaches and cola. Headaches from the constant turmoil and chaos of the people around me. Cola to soothe me in transcience. The rush of caffeine and sugar always leaves me dumbfounded and enervated…yet i continue to cling on to it for dear life, pretending it’ll save me from the wreck I am inevitablly gonna be by say, 7pm.

Yup. As if I don’t know better.

Ever had that feeling when you know you’ve been there, and you know you’ve done that…yet you succumb helplessly to the tragedy ahead because you claim, you believe it is freakin’ worth it.

Ever looked at someone and cried silently inside… Your heart breaking into a million jagged edges-not even pieces but edges…hollow and empty- and you just sat there and choked on your own sorrow while trying to listen to that someone tell you something he thinks is interesting while he completely ignores what is essential at the moment.

Ever woke up in the morning and you thought you had nowhere to go, no place to hide, no chance of seeking light. And you just prayed something would hit you hard on the head so you would fall back to slumber- a safer, more sober, less dramatic place to be.

I have.

And in all those moments, I knew I knew better, and yet I chose to be-well, i hope not dumb- but a little numb and insanely tolerant of pain.

Fact is, I’m no fan of pain. I have to have pain relievers in my bag…just in case. Every slight abnormal twitch, every sting, every throb is medicated immediately.

Why i chose and why i continue to choose to bear the pain now is beyond my good reasoning.
They say…you can’t change what you tolerate.

I raise a glass of cola to that. And I silently wish for myself that although I know it’ll be a while before things clear up, I wish my head stays upright and my heart, amidst all the caffeine and sugar, stays strong and steady.